You’ll Never Believe What This Man Who Claimed He Wouldn’t Order A 16” Penny Club Did

Area man insisted last night to several friends and coworkers that he would not be purchasing a 16” Penny Club today. He was overheard saying, “I’m just not going to get a 16” sub tomorrow. It’s what I always get and I need to mix it up. New Year, new me!” After hearing this, coworker, Alan Fifer, turned to another coworker and said, “He’s full of shit. He’s been using the exact same stall in the restroom since he got here, he’s not going to mix it up now.” That’s savage, Alan.

To the surprise of no one, we received multiple reports around lunchtime today confirming everyone’s suspicion. Fellow patron of the sub shop reported this interaction; “He went right up to the slicer who asked him if he would be getting his regular today. Naturally I had heard the rumors so I was really listening in waiting for his reply. Well I didn’t have to wait long because without missing a beat he said “Yes.” That’s the third time this week he’s ordered that and today is Monday!” Note that this interview did in fact happen on Monday. Area Man was seen leaving the shop looking content with his choice and the lack of challenge in his daily life. Alan Fifer reached out to us to say, “told you so.”

We give this story: C+

* Rating was based on how hungry the writer was.