Weird! The People In This Sub Shop Have Their Own Language

File this one under “STRANGE!” Local Man walked into a sub shop on Friday and was surprised to discover that the patrons and employees alike were both speaking a language he had never heard before. Spooky!

We turned to the Local Man himself to get the full scoop on this strange discovery. “I didn’t notice it right away. It was just close enough to English that it took me a second to process that I couldn’t understand them. That only made it creepier, you know, like the uncanny valley thing where the robots that look the closest to humans are the creepiest.”

We took a moment out of the interview to Google this ‘uncanny valley’ thing and yikes were we spooked!

“So I’m behind this guy ordering and he says he wants a penny. And all I’m thinking is ‘dude this isn’t an ATM,’ but then the slicer just goes to work making him a sub. And there were no pennies on it! He clearly understood this man’s warped version of the English language.” Eerie!

“Then, as if to prove that he too spoke this mysterious language, the slicer asked the man if he wanted ‘standard dress.’ So I’m standing here thinking, ‘surely this isn’t a boutique and a sub shop,’ but when the man said yes the slicer just started adding lettuce and onions to his sub.” Bizarre!

“Maybe I could have written this whole thing off as a coincidence but then the person behind me got a ‘penny’ too and even the checkout lady was in on it. She asked everyone who came through if they were a part of the ‘penny club.’ I don’t know, maybe this place is a club after hours. At this point anything is possible.”

We have chills just hearing this Local Man’s story.

We give this story a: D-*

*Ratings are based on how little sleep we got after hearing this tale.