Man Walks Out on Family for Goodcents

A Local Man walked directly out of his house today after taking a hard look at his life when he realized just how often he daydreams about spending alone time eating Goodcents. Eyewitnesses said that the man was calmly playing with his children and wife when he abruptly stood up and walked out the door.

“We were in a middle of a game of Monopoly!” Julie, the man’s daughter, explained to us during an interview. “I remember saying something about how it was weird how they have bills, but they don’t have coins in the game, you know like pennies… and next thing I knew he was out the door. He wasn’t even wearing shoes!”

“Look I’m not a bad guy. Do I sometimes say I’m staying at work late just to sit in a Goodcents alone instead? Yes, absolutely. And sometimes do I imagine running away from my responsibilities to live in a Goodcents and sleep in a bed of their pillowy-soft bread? Yes, but who hasn’t thought about that before?”

Everyone here at Half-Baked Report believes this is the first time anyone has thought that.

However, a store manager told us, it’s not as rare as one might think. “We get people like that all the time. The ones who look a little too happy to walk in and don’t have shoes on. This man is a regular, we got a phone call from his wife Sheryl as soon as he got here requesting a delivery and the return of her husband.”

No word on whether or not that game of Monopoly was completed. (Likely no, as it is Monopoly.) We hope Local Man learns to appreciate his family and a good pair of shoes soon. We’re pretty sure his marriage depends on it.

We give this story a: A+*

*Ratings are based on Sheryl’s patience.