Today a Local Man, apparently embarrassed by his appetite and single-status, tried to pull off the ‘ole someone-else-is-totally-here routine when his delivery order arrived. While it is unusual for one person to order two 16” subs, it’s not unheard of. However, it couldn’t have been more obvious that this Local Man was alone. We turned to the delivery driver who witnessed the whole thing to get the full story.
“I knew something was up as soon as the order came into the store because the guy put ‘Second sub for my very real girlfriend’ in the notes section of his order. Come on man, you could’ve put Sarah or Ashley or any number of generic female names in that spot.”
Yikes Local Man, have you no creativity? This is why you’re single.
“Then I pull up to his place and, call it delivery driver intuition, but I knew only one person was in that house… and maybe a small dog, perhaps a Yorkipoo? Anyway, there’s only one car in the driveway and all the lights were off. When I knocked on the door, I could hear it echoing around that obviously empty home. When he answered he said ‘Oh good my…our food is here, Honey.’” Rookie mistake.
Local Man, if you’re reading this, we just want to let you know that it’s okay to order two 16” subs for yourself and that local singles get together on Wednesday nights if you need to meet people and/or talk to someone about your love of subs.
If that doesn’t work, you can call our writers here at the Half-Baked Report. Feel free to give us a call on the number on our contact page. We assure you, the number is as real as your girlfriend.
We give this story a: F