Delivery Man First Human College Girl Has Seen During Spring Break

A Local College Girl has apparently spent her spring break locked in her apartment alone. When a delivery man showed up on Thursday, it was obvious that this was the first human she had interacted with in days.

“She had wrapped herself in a comforter and had what I think was spray cheese on her cheek. Her skin was so pale and she really squinted at the daylight. It wasn’t even a sunny…wait…you guys don’t think she was a vampire do you?”

We obviously couldn’t pass up the chance to talk to a real vampire since all our research from 2010 notes that readers love vampires (Team Edward!) so we had to talk to Local Girl/Vampire ourselves. She wasn’t willing to meet anywhere (very suspicious, Local Girl/Vampire, very suspicious) so the conversation took place exclusively via Aim.

“Nope. No way. I haven’t left the house in days, and I’m not going to. I mean, it’s spring break, I got to live it up! All my roommates left to go skiing or the beach or something excruciatingly active like that. I couldn’t believe I was going to get the apartment all to myself.

So far, I’ve managed to watch all six seasons of Game of Thrones, all five seasons of Breaking Bad, and even managed to squeeze a couple episodes of this show called The Great British Bake Off it’s not very dramatic. Everyone on that show is so polite, but MAN it makes me hungry. I can’t cook with anything except spray cheese though. That’s why I ordered Goodcents delivery.”

Readers at home should note that eating straight-up spray cheese, is not only gross, it also doesn’t count as “cooking.” Unfortunately, we think Local Girl is just living her best life and is not actually a vampire. Keep doing you, Local Girl.

We give this story a: B*

*Ratings are based on how much the author of this story wishes she was Local Girl right now.